So it has been two months since my last post… Have I been resting on my laurels? Not likely 🙂
Throughout my four years of recovery I have found myself being led through periods of growth (pain), followed by periods of rest (happiness), chased by periods of contemplation (ok laziness)… Over the past two months I have been put through my paces and I am finally ready to accept the facts and shake off the emotional hangover also know as denial.
I have ADHD. This is not news to me, but in the spirit of a true alcoholic I somehow thought if I ignored it, it may just go away.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD around two years ago and whilst going through the assessment process with the Occupational Therapists and Developmental Psychologists it became glaringly obvious that I had also been living with the same condition my whole life. After a swift referral by my GP to my local psychiatric hospital, a quick chat involving the offer of medication and my recoiling in horror (I have spent most of my adult life on some medication or other) I promptly walked out of that hospital and popped my ADHD right at the bottom of my shiny handbag (with all the other things to do later).
I subconciously decided at that moment that as an alcoholic, working, newly lone parent to an 8 year old who had recently been diagnosed with ADHD and was suffering with dreadful bullying at school that I simply didn’t have the time to deal with anything else thank you very much!!
I concentrated on my recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, working with my sponsor, getting into service and attending lots of meetings. I subsequently had a breakdown in July last year and had to be sedated for several days, taking months to recover from the crippling panic attacks I was receiving nightly in my sleep and the constant gnawing anxiety that chased me through my working days.
Thankfully, through one part determination, two parts desperation I was forced to open up to my (wonderful) sponsor and with her constant reassurance that I wasn’t going crazy and after many,many hours of talking it out I managed to come out the other side of it. Through this process of talking and learning I learned so much about my alcoholism and my attitude towards other people but also I learned a whole lot of truth about my attitude towards myself. My tendency to blame myself for things outwith my control, my lack of compassion for myself and also my tendency to play down the challenges I am facing until all at once they floor me and I find myself struggling to cope.
So after almost two years since my son’s diagnosis, sourcing the correct help for him, changing his school to one better equipped to offer support and watching him grow into a confident, happy young chap I am ready to face my own challenges with ADHD.
I am reaching out and seeking help and I feel good about this for the first time in my life. I have had to alter my attitude, before my attitude alters me.