I love to start my day with positive affirmations…… ‘Just for Today, Judge Nothing That Occurs’, ‘Just for Today, Be Kind To Others Just As They Are’, Just For Today, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’…..I love them, they set me up for the day and I never fail to feel calmer and ready for almost anything when I have taken the time to repeat these statements before leaving for the school run each morning.
There is one, however, that I sneakily sabotage every time. I listen to it. I repeat it. But by metaphorically crossing my fingers behind my back I somehow absolve myself from really believing it….
‘Just For Today I Will Accept Myself Exactly As I Am. I Will Reaffirm That I am A Beautiful Person Just As I Am”.
It sounds awesome! I want to believe it! Sometimes I even do….but there is usually a niggle at the back of my mind telling me ‘not quite’ or ‘maybe one day’. It appears that whilst I have learned to accept flaws in others and still believe in them, I fail to treat myself with the same tolerance and care.
I love to give compliments, but, bristle when I receive them, I love that I now have the ability/willingness to help someone out if they need it, but, can feel disappointed in myself when I need to ask help of others. I hang onto a misguided thought that I should be able to ‘cope alone’ at times (no matter how often my sponsor tells me otherwise) and this is something I am working on changing every day.
My expectations of others and the world in general were always unreasonably high and AA has helped me beat these down to a level where I can live and let live. I dont bully and manipulate those around me to get what I want these days and it makes me a whole bunch of a nicer person to be around.
The lifetime before AA of constantly running and searching for the answer to my problems has clearly left a faint halo in my mind which prevents me from resting on my laurels. A good thing in recovery as we can never stay still in our journey, but, just for today, I am going to take the words of my sponsor, give myself a hug and tell myself….I am enough, I have enough, I do enough….
Fingers crossed xx