I Am Beautiful……No Matter What I Say

I am enough

I love to start my day with positive affirmations…… ‘Just for Today, Judge Nothing That Occurs’, ‘Just for Today, Be Kind To Others Just As They Are’, Just For Today, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’…..I love them, they set me up for the day and I never fail to feel calmer and ready for almost anything when I have taken the time to repeat these statements before leaving for the school run each morning.

There is one, however, that I sneakily sabotage every time. I listen to it. I repeat it. But by metaphorically crossing my fingers behind my back I somehow absolve myself from really believing it….

‘Just For Today I Will Accept Myself Exactly As I Am. I Will Reaffirm That I am A Beautiful Person Just As I Am”.

It sounds awesome! I want to believe it! Sometimes I even do….but there is usually a niggle at the back of my mind telling me ‘not quite’ or ‘maybe one day’. It appears that whilst I have learned to accept flaws in others and still believe in them, I fail to treat myself with the same tolerance and care.

I love to give compliments, but, bristle when I receive them, I love that I now have the ability/willingness to help someone out if they need it, but, can feel disappointed in myself when I need to ask help of others. I hang onto a misguided thought that I should be able to ‘cope alone’ at times (no matter how often my sponsor tells me otherwise) and this is something I am working on changing every day.

My expectations of others and the world in general were always unreasonably high and AA has helped me beat these down to a level where I can live and let live. I dont bully and manipulate those around me to get what I want these days and it makes me a whole bunch of a nicer person to be around.

The lifetime before AA of constantly running and searching for the answer to my problems has clearly left a faint halo in my mind which prevents me from resting on my laurels. A good thing in recovery as we can never stay still in our journey, but, just for today, I am going to take the words of my sponsor, give myself a hug and tell myself….I am enough, I have enough, I do enough….

Fingers crossed xx

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10 thoughts on “I Am Beautiful……No Matter What I Say

  1. I needed this today. Being enough is a tough one for me. When I’m intolerant of myself, I’m less tolerant of everyone and everything. It snowballs into a generally bad attitude, which I can feel creeping up on me right now. Just for today, if I don’t have anything nice to think, I’m going to count to 100 and start over!

    • Hi Karen thank you for reading my blog. I loved what you said about ‘if I dont have anything nice to think’, people always talk about if we dont have anything nice to say…but the thinking is where the snowball starts. I hope you have a good day today and I will be practising counting to 100 right along with you 🙂

  2. Wow, just wow. You described me so perfectly, I wanted to look over my shoulder and see if you were in the room with me! I could relate (obviously) to every word in this post. I especially like metaphorically crossing my fingers while saying I accept myself as I am… brilliant!

    Thanks for this post, it couldn’t have come at a better time for me!

    • Oh I love it when I get that level of identification with someone, it makes the hairs on my neck stand up!! Looking forward to reading your blog and thank you for reading mine 🙂

  3. Oh I so love this post and soo needed it! “I am enough, I have enough, I do enough.” – I’ve been repeating it all day! I think now in sobriety I am constantly competing… with myself! It’s crazy. Why? maybe it’s some way of me trying to make up for the ass I used to be… hmmm. I think it’s time to stop that! lol! Thank you so much for this post!

    Maggie

  4. I am terrible at the daily affirmations as they apply to me specifically. I still have images of Stuart Smalley doing his thing on SNL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DIETlxquzY I can say that I like myself, still have trouble with the big L word. But deep down I know I do 🙂 But what you say about deflecting compliments, trying to take on the world on your own and avoiding help…I know exactly what you mean. Took me time to get past these things, and they just happened slowly. I had to make the effort to shut my mouth and just say “thank you” when someone said something kind to me. Regardless of what is going on in my mind – self-sabotage, character assassinations on myself, etc. Just “thank you”. And after a while, I started to believe it. That kind of thing, you know?

    Your sponsor is wise. I like what she says…even if I don’t myself do that stuff. I think for me it’s more about doing the actions, and the self-liking, self-loving comes after. For me, that has been my experience. But it might be different for you.

    Keep at it, and glad to see you post!

    Blessings,
    Paul

  5. Thank you so much for this post! I used to like myself, can’t say love or loved. Too much baggage! Then came the self loathing which being at day 5….again sober was not long ago! So just for today, I will (try) to like myself. I think being 5 days sober…again is something to like myself for!
    Sharon

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