Those seven words were true of my life whilst I was a performing alcoholic and in equal measure, but worlds apart, now in my Sobriety.
Nothing can fully describe the jolt of being woken up by the noise in my head on those Sunday mornings gone by. The astringent anxiety and utter powerlessness I would feel whilst waiting on the off licence or a bar to open. I was never a ‘clever’ alcoholic who was able to save something for the morning. I guess I kept it in the day even back then.
The horror of watching the clock go backwards was always coupled with the blank screen of Saturday night. Attempting to piece together in my mind my movements of the night before, who I had offended, what I had lost, where I had been, how I got home…. Lying there in my bed terrified to move, sweating and shivering, with all my might and from the bottom of my heart I would promise God I would ‘NEVER’ drink again if only I could get through this dreaded Sunday morning….
This morning I was awoken by a faint noise….”Mummy could I play Lego please”. Instantly my inner smile kicked in. ‘Of course babe and would you like some coco pops?’. “No thanks I’m good go back to sleep”. So I pretended to sleep while I listened to my boy humming away whilst building a ‘Ninjago Dragon’ mumbling stories to himself about bold knights and dangerous adventures . With a clear head I mulled over the endless choices of what we could do with our ‘free’ day today and lying there in my bed cosy and warm, with all my might and from the bottom of my heart I thanked God for that moment on this Sunday morning.
There really is nothing like it.